American Apparel Basically Stole Naked Porn Towels From Me!

Um, clearly Dov Charney and the kindly fellas over at the succinctly named Butt Magazine have been reading FashionBinge, because they CLEARLY stole my porn towel idea!

Okay, it wasn't my idea, but I do get credit for scouting these amazing towels, featuring a Unabomber/ Michael Jackson Goes To The White House dude in Aviators and half-unbuttoned cut-off jeans shorts! The difference? Mine were like $3 at Conway. Sure, they turned into a matted bunch of cottony pills when I washed them, but still! It was $3 well spent!

My Conway towels: $3

American Apparel's Butt Mag towels: $45!

American Apparel Now Carries SESAME STREET Tees!

($25, American Apparel)

... And I honestly have NO earthly idea why. Like, REALLY American Apparel? Is NOTHING sacred anymore? Big Bird has to be splashed across sheer (of COURSE they're sheer) shirts worn by girls with come-hither stares? Ugh. Also, I'm a compartmentalizer, so I like my porn separate from my licensed children's apparel. Like, you shouldn't be able to buy a child's Sesame Street shirt at the same place as, um, this.

Also, here's a fun game to play! It's called "Kid's shirt or inappropriately short shirt geared toward slutty grownups?"

You decide!

I Bought It Files: Cheap Monday The Blanche Dress in Buffalo Plaid

($56, Cheap Monday, Karmaloop)

I bought this the other week from Epaulet in Brooklyn. I love that shop and its fantastic owners, and I love this comfy cotton Cheap Monday plaid jumper/ dress. (More jumpers I love/ want here.) Also, can I just state that Cheap Monday does everything American Apparel does but does it better and without papering enormous crotches across major urban intersections/ your browser.

American Apparel Finally COMMITS To Porn!

At long last, American Apparel has stopped fucking around and just COMMITTED to p0rning in their latest ads. They're SUPER creative -- you know -- a girl (in this case, porn star Charlotte Stokely) unzipping her zipper-front bodysuit to reveal what you'd NEVER GUESS existed beneath a front-zip suit: B00BS! More NSFW shots at Refinery29, and then some definitely NSFW pube-y shots of p0rn-star-cum-actress Sasha Grey in thigh-high athletic socks. Because I ALWAYS IMMEDIATELY think pubes when I need thigh-high socks. Oh wait, I NEVER need thigh-high socks. Also, again, I'm not 100% against porn or women taking charge of their sex and bodies. Eroticism is fine. I just believe in a separation of blatant, skeezy sex and retail. Like, I feel way better knowing that I'm not gonna be attacked by a giant clit in eyeliner and ironic 1980s glasses if I go here.

FashionBinge's News You Can Use: eLuxury Folds, Cavalli Gets His Own Credit Card, Olivia Palmero Still Exists

Fashion news -- and vyoos -- you can USE, y'all!

+ LVMH's eLuxury will be shutting dat shit down sometime within the next six month. My fingers are crossed for a big-ass sale. I will of course then UNcross them and buy the SHIT out of some shit -- specifically this Maison Martin Margiela bracelet that Eye4Style turned me onto and/or some Golden Goose boots. (Racked)

+ Moar Urbn, pls! Urban Outfitters is opening their seventh location in New York -- in an old Deco theater at 99th and Broadway. At least it's not an American Apparel. God knows we need more crotch. (Metromix NY)

+ Brooklyn Flea moved INdoors and to DUMBO -- specifically to 76 Front St., corner of Washington St. from this Saturday, January 10 through the next 13 weekends. (Brownstoner)

+ Olivia Palmero: Oy! STILL SO zaftig! (WWWD)

+ I kinda love how Twilight's Kristen Stewart often looks like she just rolled outta bed (espesh the hairs) but still lands best-dressed list: She's #2 on Teen Vogue's Best Dressed of December 2008.

+ Jack Ryan, dude who designed Barbie, was derty DURRRRRDY! (Page Six)

+ Got a gift card you don't want anymore? Cash that sucker in for... CASH at Giftcardrescue.com. Or... sell it on eBay -- I've had lotsa luck there.

+ Speaking of cash, looks like I accidentally left my ATM receipt in the machine! Silly me, silly me! (Consumerist)

+ Samantha Droke is 21 years old and has a clothing line (read: a couple tee-shirts) and you (and I) don't. (JustJaredJr)

+ Roberto Cavalli has his OWN credit card. And you don't. Unless you're Roberto Cavalli and you're reading this, in which case, WHAT UP? WHAT HAPPNIN'? (FabSugar)

T.I. - New Music - More Music Videos

American Apparel Sinks to Previously Unimaginable New Lows With Assiest Ad Yet

I was glancing at a blog at the UNGODLY hour of 10am today (refer to the time stamp for authenticity) and I was attacked by an unanticipated ocular assault -- fucking pressed ham all up on my Dell flat screen in this most vile (though unsurprising, of course) American Apparel ad for thongs. WE ALL KNOW WHAT THONGS LOOK LIKE. WE DON'T NEED YET ANOTHER GRATUITOUS AMERICAN APPAREL ASS SHOT! And no, throwing in the words "organic" in irritating, pandering fucking green at the bottom doesn't excuse it. If I wanted that much ass up in my face, I'd lick an issue of Hustler. Or just watch an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Ugh.

Again, do yourself a favor and get your solid tees at Alternative Apparel. No ifs, ands, or butts.

Oh yeah -- check out the search term in the search field. All in a day's work! Major cancer-research type stuff over here!

Friday Night Linky Dinks!

Yep. Still couched. And now, a whole bunch of links that have about as much in common as spaghetti and kitty litter.

+ American Apparel takes one step closer toward absolute corruption as they reintroduce Hypercolor shirts. Why God, why? Brightest Young Things reports.

+ Nylon previews the next designer to team up with Target for their Go International collection: Richard Chai. Pretty fall solid separates in purples and blues.

+ MOTHER! Dress up like Little Edie Beale in jewelry inspired by Grey Gardens.
This is the best thing to wear for today, you understand.

+ Makeupandbeautyblog takes a look like Chanel's Fall 2008 gold-flecked metallics in princessy fairy shades. Love the Fantastic Plum lipstick.

+ Beauty Anonymous experiments with mascaras with magical battery-powered wands that whirl, twirl, and could possibly blind you. I'm afraid. (Via Beauty Blogging Junkie)

+ For the Love of Beauty explores India via Lancome's forthcoming India-inspired Fall 2008 collection.

+ I can't wait for Ashley Paige: Bikini or Bust, and after watching about 10 hours of television today and seeing this commercial about 14 times, I'm practically an expert.

+ Crafty ladies: Roman Sock knows how to make meerkats that are so cute you could just break down and cry.

Menswear Morts: The Scourge of DBag V-Necks

(Catbird, via Radar)

The always excellent Radar mag traces the deevolution of the men's t-shirt from crew to douchebag cuts. Unsurprisingly, they point the finger at American Apparel. Also unsurprising: when I searched for a photo of AA CEO/ serial sex offender Dov Charney in a V-neck shirt, I could hardly even find a photo of him in a shirt, let alone a V-neck! Go figs!

American Apparel Now Selling Vibrators!

I know. That's as redundant as like "Amy Winehouse Does More Drugs" or something. (Wait... what?) I can almost appreciate that American Apparel is inching ever closer to becoming a full-fledged adult superstore now that they're selling "magic wands."

You know! For working those kinks of out your neck. Or out of your vagina. During your next American Apparel board meeting, where I'm sure Dov Charney suggested (and by suggested, I mean "lightly forced") his female staff to test out the vibes in front of him while he watched, and by watched, I mean "jerked off while not wearing any pants." Which, at AA HQ, is probably also known as "Tuesday."

Still, none of this explains why they sell Sharpies.

More American Apparel Mortses

In the Things That Should've Happened Five Years Ago department, American Apparel CEO and World-Class A-Hole Dov Charney is FINALLY going to trial for... SEXUAL HARASSMENT. (I know. Can you believe that ish? And he always seemed like such a nice boy!) Hopefully hating this d-bag will now become an official law in every state.

Other recent Am/Ap offenses include:
Via Fabsugar: This crap-ass vinyl fanny pack. The last three words of the previous sentence are what's wrong with the whole package. And speaking of packages, the always engrossing (and hilarious!) Jezebel has a great video called "American Apparel Will Make You Look Like A Fat Hooker." Check it out now.

(Crappy fuckface Dov Charney photo via Fabsugar.)

Oh Noes: Two-Tone Pantyhose

($16, American Apparel)

Who else but American Apparel would find these two-toned tights acceptable for non-Halloween usage? Uggz. Can't decide what's worse: these tights or their look-at-this-closeup-of-my-crotch
campaigns.